The White Dove
When I first
wrote to you
it was as if
each letter
I held in my palms
was like
a small white
dove
I had to lift
toward the sky
and let go
and that once
it had arrived
calling
quietly
at the edge
of your high window
you only had to write
your own words
and fold them small
and tie them
to each leg
and lift
the white bird again
letting it go
into the air
as I did
so that it could
find its way
back to me and
home.
Now I find
no words
can find you
and love
has asked me
to kneel
by the window
of an
unflighted sky,
that love has
asked me
to wish you a blessing,
and to see you
gladly
on your way
as if you could
be loved
and still not mine,
and strangely
to act
in that joy
as if love were new again;
calling me
to its sweet side,
as if,
after all
these words,
words will never do,
and in the still air
where words
cannot reach
and where I found
you before
you have become
the white dove now,
and the one
I must lift
in the air
and let go.
-from The Sea in You
The poetry collection, The Sea in You is currently out of print, though used copies can often be found online.
I have a deep current loss on top of an older related loss and this is speaking so profoundly to me.
and in the still air
where words
cannot reach
and where I found
you before
you have become
the white dove now,
and the one
I must lift
in the air
and let go.
My husband has dementia and though he is still functional in many ways, who he was has flown into the still air. Everyday a practice in lifting him up and letting go, again. As I witness and provide holding, I am painfully aware how intimately his evolution is inked to our evolution, to my evolution.
Your words are a balm, a prayer, a reminder that I am not alone. Thank you